Fancy Bane

This weekend, Spousal Unit & I went to see The Dark Knight Rises with some of our friends. When we meet Bane, we hear him before we see him and I - not having clue one on who Bane is - guessed based on his voice he'd be a suit & tie guy; possibly fancy with a preference for a monocle & top hat.

Surprise!

Turns out Bane is a big brawny fellow with no hair and no monocle!

As the movie progresses, I'm in awe of how he can speak so proper & not once put on a top hat. Tom Hardy must have fought the urge to wear a monocle, but then again, he pulled off a borderline magical transformation from man to EPIC VILLAIN.

Magic!

By the end of the movie, I was saddened that Bane didn't get the accessories his voice so deserved. 

I FIXED IT!

I made Fancy Bane!

~misfoijd

Cinder Block Shower

Every Independence Day, Uncle Ron brings a massive haul of fireworks to the BBQ. He lives in Missouri which means most of his supply was not available (& probably not legal) in Oklahoma. I truly don't think Ron considered the legality of his interstate explosives.


And sure as sugar, we weren't going to tell him. He brought all the COOL stuff!


There was a new firework we just had to try. It was still daylight & most of our audience was still happily feasting on Burt's Burt Burgers (redundant we know, but they're too tasty for us to care). Perfect time for a quick test. 

I don't remember there being any identifiers on the packaging. I don't remember there being any pictures showing what it did. That probably should have been a big hint.


So we put it in a cinder block to find out just how awesome it was. We were standing the minimum safety distance for a normal firework when time slowed.


THUUM!

Felt like this.

It felt the thud of the explosion on my chest & through the souls of my feet. I was looking right at it when it went off (forgive me on this one. I thought it was going to be small like a ground bloom). Looked like a shell firework popped in the tube except less fire and more pointy things shooting off in all directions. Lots more pointy things.


I don't know what they were expecting but what we got was shrapnel.


We scattered instantaneously. Ron got one to the back. The largest chuck flew off to assault a RV. Some of us got hit, but nothing serious. That stuff could have been used for demolition. By God's grace, no was severely injured. Some how I was spared.


~misfoijd


P.S. - Let me know what kind stories you'd like for future. Post in the comments.

Explosive Definition of Fun

Every Independence Day, my family & extended family gather for a large BBQ at my Uncle Burt's home. He has a small farm near city limits which is prime because the cousins and I like things that go boom. We're not talking about Red Devils or any other small fireworks. 


We once blew up a cinder block. (Different post)

It's my favorite family get-together. It's the only time of the year that me and my male cousins get to play together. My cousins have their own lives, careers, or families. It's a day to go back and be stupid little kids again.


Every year, we leave burnt, covered in soot, buzzed from adrenaline and the smell of sulfur & generally with some temporary hearing loss. We head home grinning from ear to ear.

But this year, we upped the accidentally stupidity level up a few pegs.

List of Stupid Things We Surpassed

• Underestimated the destructive power of a dry ice bomb
• Nearly caught Burt's roof on fire with poorly aimed parachutes
• Thrown rockets at each other
• Launched rockets out of a PVC pipe (we had to trim the fins to fit them in)
• Launched 2 rockets at the same time out of the same PVC pipe
• Launched rockets out of a PVC pipe at each other
• Played Russian Roulette with a Saturn Missiles
• One year, I wound up being bottle rocket target practice

Those are stories for another post. For this past Independence Day was special crazy.

It's getting dark and we had shells to launch. My cousins had bought a mega pack of shells & multiple launch tubes. More than enough for all of us to light them off in groups & multiples. That's besides the other shell sets that had been bought. We were using an upside down circular horse trough as our launching pad. 


We had the space & the tools, so we what do we do....


Big Bang Groupings


We were shelling in mass. 7 people lighting at once with fuses tied together to 2 to 3 shots each. We'd light as a group and gawk as a group then the cycle continued...


You know what happens when some of the shells don't go off & some of the shells get put in tubes they didn't belong to and no one notices? 


VA-VOOOOOOM!!



Very close proxy firework show.


I got burnt on my scalp, chest, arms, & Lord knows what happened to my cousins. All I know is we all had the same response: 


O_O CRAP! *running arm flail*


There was a variety of obscenities, but the gist was the same.


And it happened again and again...


And we still left happy & buzzed, but a bit more burnt than average.


I would do it again any day.


~misfoijd

Flower Power Perplexion

Boss came back to work 2 Mondays ago. In his absence, he left me his phone which I dang near lobed at him while giving him the "never again" glare. He took it in stride and requested a full briefing on all the happenings while he was gone. I proceeded to turbo babble a month's worth of info: house updates, pending closings, people that helped us, hatred of his phone, how he owes me a pony....


Boss - "We should get them flowers!"
Me -  *short pause as I back track to the topic* "Agreed!"
B - "Sounds like they helped a lot. Order them some flowers. Make it so."
M - "Yes, Picard."


I was determined to deliver them myself. In my old SUV. That has NO A/C.

It was worth it.


First stop,


*Gasp* OHMYGOD!! PINK IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!!XD


2nd Stop,


: 3 Awwww! How sweet!


3rd Stop,


Thank you. I really needed a pick me up *HUGS*


. . . 

IDEA!!!

This got me thinking: Spousal unit has been extra helpful recently. I should get him flowers to tell him how much I love and appreciate him.


On my way home, I had to go by Walmart to get some groceries. Since we're in super-saving mode, I figured it'd be the only place I could afford to get flowers. Two birds; one stone, right?


The flower rack at Walmart makes me think of a wounded wildebeest. Don't look to good as a whole, but there's still good parts.


After circling a few times, I spot the perfect bunch. I don't know what they are, but they are dark yellow flowers that are unique and different just like Spousal Unit!


I scoop them up and happily scamper to the check out. I couldn't wait to get them home to Spousal Unit.


When I get home, I open the door and hand him the flowers.


.....


M - "What?..."
S.U. - "Isn't this backwards?"
M - *super sad face* "You don't like them."
S.U. - "No. I like them. It's just odd. Shouldn't I be bringing you flowers?"




~misfoijd

Impressible?

I have a 'matter of fact' way of viewing the world. Because of this, I'm very hard to impress. I guess I take the word almost literally. Unless it leaves a deep impression, your S.O.L.

I fully acknowledge that I'm EASILY amused, amazed, wowed, and distracted. These happen frequently but flits away with the breeze. Still not impressed.

I'm not talking about big wigs or movie stars. They've made their bones in this world and flaunt it everyday. I'm glad for them, but they do not meet what 'true impressive' is to me. I don't know them. I'll never meet them. True impressions should be more .

Truly impressed is very rare for me. It's something that makes me sit back and go "Whoa. They are going places."

A friend of mine never believed me when I told her that she's a talented writer and that she impressed me. She would occasionally ask me to read her work. I'd critique and return it, telling her she's got talent.

I told you all that so I could say this.

She met with Peter S. Beagle (Yes. THE Peter S. Beagle who wrote The Last Unicorn) for a 2 part Writer's Workshop. Yesterday was part one, the one-on-one session w/ Beagle. Here's what he told her: 

“I want you to know this. You’re onto something here. Of all the manuscripts I read for this workshop - and I did read all of them - yours is the one that stuck with me. It’s the one that stayed with me.”

From now on, when ever she feels down about her writing skills or her stories, I have the RIGHT to say:

"Beagle liked you."

I was right :P


~ misfoijd

Found One of My Comics!

Carnival Workers Are Missing Out

Carnivals come to my hometown about 3+ times a year. I generally only attend if I have a huge hankering for funnel cake.

Better with strawberries

On my last visit to the Carnival, Husband & I decided to attack balloons with darts in hope of a stuffed giraffe (at least I think it was a giraffe). There was a pleasantly plumb lady inflating victims in one corner of the booth. We struck up a conversation. She enjoyed being a 'Carnie' with all the travel and meeting new people. The chat shifted to my job....

Me-"I'm a school bus driver."

Carnie- O_O "Oh, God. I could never do that. All those kids...."

M-"Don't you deal with kids?"

C-"Yeah, but I'm in a booth. They stay out there. *waggles hand over the booth's counter* I can't imagine being stuck in a bus with them."

I found this amusing. I guess her & I could never swap jobs. I prefer my job especially now that I'm working for this other district. Man, so many stories.

Want to know some of them? Here's a brief overview:

• Boy walking onto the bus in his boxers
• Kid smashing another kids head against the window
• Random fights for NO REASON
• Kids having sex without discretion
• Boy leaning out a bus window to try and hit his head on a street sign

And that's just from my bus... I have a dozen more second hand ones.

• Coworker nearly wrecked bus when a kid lobbed a D cell battery at his head, knocking the driver out cold.
• Kid threw a rock out a window hitting a windshield of a occupied police car. Bus gets pulled over and the kid arrested on the spot.
• AND MORE!

~misfoijd